{"id":2994,"date":"2021-03-11T18:30:45","date_gmt":"2021-03-11T15:30:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bolvadinsevgisi.com\/?p=2994"},"modified":"2021-03-11T18:40:55","modified_gmt":"2021-03-11T15:40:55","slug":"ailede-huzur-ve-mutluluk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/bolvadinsevgisi.com\/?p=2994","title":{"rendered":"A\u0130LEDE HUZUR VE MUTLULUK"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A\u0130LEDE HUZUR VE MUTLULUK<\/strong>
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GEN\u00c7L\u0130\u011e\u0130MDEK\u0130 EVL\u0130L\u0130KLERLER<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Gelin ve damat olmak\u2026 Her gencin r\u00fcyas\u0131\u2026 B\u00fct\u00fcn k\u0131zlar ve erkekler, gelin-damat olabilmenin hayaliyle ya\u015farlar. Evlilik; \u00e7ift olmak demektir. Allah\u2019\u0131n kanun koydu\u011fu, emretti\u011fi, Rasulullah\u2019\u0131n tavsiye etti\u011fi h\u00fck\u00fcmd\u00fcr. \u015eu an ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131k d\u00f6nemine girmi\u015f olan ki\u015filerin evlilikleriyle, g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz evlilikleri aras\u0131nda farkl\u0131l\u0131klar bulunmaktad\u0131r. G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczde, baz\u0131 \u00e2det ve k\u00fclt\u00fcrlerin yok olma durumuna geldi\u011fini g\u00f6rmekteyiz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u015eu zamanda, ya\u015f\u0131 kemale ermi\u015f olan ki\u015filerin evlilikleri biraz daha farkl\u0131 idi. Aileler; ergenlik ya\u015f\u0131n\u0131 atlatm\u0131\u015f olan o\u011fullar\u0131na k\u0131z aramak i\u00e7in \u201cTakkas\u0131 takkas\u0131na uygun\u201d<\/strong> ailenin k\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131 ara\u015ft\u0131r\u0131rlard\u0131. \u201cDavul dengi dengine vurur.\u201d<\/strong> d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiyle bunu yaparlard\u0131. Genellikle; zengin zengine, fakir fakire, \u00e7ift\u00e7i \u00e7ift\u00e7i \u00e7ocu\u011funa, memur memur \u00e7ocu\u011funa, esnaf esnaf \u00e7ocu\u011funa talip olurdu. \u00c7ok zaman o\u011fullar\u0131na, k\u0131zlar\u0131na sormadan ara\u015ft\u0131rma yapar, s\u00f6z keserlerdi. K\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131 almas\u0131 biraz zor olan yerlere \u201cAman a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 yenciltmeyelim.\u201d<\/strong> diyerek gitmezlerdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O\u011flan anas\u0131, uygun g\u00f6rd\u00fckleri ailenin k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n evine giderek: \u201cAllah\u2019\u0131n emri, peygamberin kavli\u201d<\/strong> ile isterdi. Ayn\u0131 zamanda o\u011flan\u0131n babas\u0131 k\u0131z babas\u0131n\u0131 bulur, gerekli teklifi yapard\u0131. Bu istek, k\u0131z evi taraf\u0131ndan uygun g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcyorsa birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn m\u00fcsaade istenir, ona g\u00f6re karar verilirdi. Uygun g\u00f6r\u00fclm\u00fcyorsa, \u00e7e\u015fitli bahaneler belirtilerek: \u201cAllah iki tarafa da hay\u0131rl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 versin.\u201d<\/strong> denir ve usul\u00fcnce kabul edilmezdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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BEN\u0130M EVL\u0130L\u0130\u011e\u0130M<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 Ben y\u00fcksek \u00f6\u011frenimde son s\u0131n\u0131ftayd\u0131m. Hen\u00fcz okulu bitirmemi\u015ftim. Rahmetli anam arada bir hastalan\u0131rd\u0131. Hastaland\u0131\u011f\u0131nda: \u201c\u00d6lmeden \u00f6nce senin bi\u2019 m\u00fcr\u00fcvvetini g\u00f6reydim, seni evereydim!..\u201d<\/strong> dedi ve bize uygun olan ailelerin k\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131 teklif etti. Ben kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m ve okulu bitirmeden evlenmemin do\u011fru olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yledim. Hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bahane ederek bana bask\u0131 kurmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Sonunda anam\u0131 k\u0131ramad\u0131m ve kabul ettim. Anam da, beni everdikten 34 sene sonra \u00f6ld\u00fc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

O d\u00f6nemlerde o\u011flan olsun k\u0131z olsun, ana-baban\u0131n dedi\u011fi olur ve onlar\u0131n se\u00e7tikleri ki\u015fiyle evlendirilirdi. Evlendirilecek olan k\u0131z veya o\u011flan, evlenece\u011fi ki\u015fiyi hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmeden de evlendirilebilirdi. B\u00fcy\u00fcklere g\u00fcvenilirdi. K\u0131zlar\u0131n evlili\u011fi genellikle 15-16 ya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 ge\u00e7mezdi. K\u0131z, genellikle o\u011flana de\u011fil, ailesine verilirdi. K\u0131z\u0131na sormadan veren babalar da bulunurdu. \u00c7ok zaman k\u0131z ve o\u011flan birbirlerini hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmeden evlendirilirdi. Pekiyi, bu do\u011fru bir hareket miydi? Hay\u0131r\u2026 Evlenece\u011fin o\u011flan veya k\u0131z;  ak m\u0131, kara m\u0131?.. Uzun mu, k\u0131sa m\u0131?.. Deli mi, depek mi?.. A\u011fz\u0131m\u0131 kokuyor, burnu mu ak\u0131yor?\u2026 Belli de\u011fil\u2026. Belli bir kurallar i\u00e7erisinde o\u011flan ve k\u0131z\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp konu\u015fmalar\u0131 peygamber s\u00fcnnetidir. Buna ra\u011fmen huzursuzluklar olsa bile, aile i\u00e7erisinde zamanla birbirlerine al\u0131\u015f\u0131rlar, \u201cbo\u015fanma\u201d<\/strong> s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc ak\u0131llar\u0131ndan bile ge\u00e7irmeden bir hayat s\u00fcrerlerdi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Benimki de \u00f6yle oldu. Ni\u015fanland\u0131k, d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn ettik ve evlendik. Nikah g\u00fcn\u00fc yan yana durduk fakat \u00fczerindeki atk\u0131y\u0131 fazla b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden dolay\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6remedim. Ancak evlendi\u011fimiz g\u00fcn birbirimizi g\u00f6rebildim. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr 42 y\u0131ld\u0131r bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131m\u0131z olmad\u0131, mutlu bir hayat ge\u00e7irdik.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7OCUKLU\u011eUMDAK\u0130 EVL\u0130L\u0130KLER<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7ocukluk g\u00fcnlerimde toplumumuzda baz\u0131 ailelerde kad\u0131n, erkekler taraf\u0131ndan hor g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131na, ev i\u015fine, hayvana, tarla-bah\u00e7e i\u015flerine bakan bir varl\u0131k olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc. Kocas\u0131ndan dayak yiyen kad\u0131n, bunun normal oldu\u011funu zannederdi. Kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6lmesi de \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli de\u011fildi; adam hemen bir daha evlenirdi. Giymek i\u00e7in \u00fcst-ba\u015f talebinde bulunamaz, bir \u00f6n\u00fccek ve \u015falvarla \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fcn ge\u00e7ece\u011fini san\u0131rd\u0131. \u00c7ile \u00e7ekerek gen\u00e7 ya\u015fta ya\u015flan\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

   Ev i\u00e7erisinde kocaya bir \u015fey s\u00f6yleme hakk\u0131 yoktu. Evin erke\u011fi ne derse o do\u011fruydu. Aile i\u00e7inde demokrasi yoktu. Kar\u0131s\u0131na bile sormadan, k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na verirdi. Gelin, kaynatan\u0131n oldu\u011fu odada bir k\u00f6\u015feye b\u00fcz\u00fclerek oturur; utanc\u0131ndan kafas\u0131n\u0131 yere e\u011fip kilimin ilmiklerini sayard\u0131. Gelinin ev i\u00e7erisinde, kaynatas\u0131n\u0131n yan\u0131nda sesli konu\u015fma hakk\u0131 da yoktu. Rahmetli anam, k\u0131rk sene dedemin yan\u0131nda hi\u00e7 sesli konu\u015fmad\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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   KIZ \u00c7IKARILIRKEN<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Evin k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n; anas\u0131n\u0131n evinden ayr\u0131laca\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcn, sevin\u00e7 ve h\u00fcz\u00fcn birlikte ya\u015fan\u0131r. K\u0131z\u0131n ana ve babas\u0131 vard\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerde mutlu olmas\u0131, evlili\u011fini devam ettirmesi i\u00e7in k\u0131z\u0131na nasihatlarda bulunurlar: \u201cVard\u0131\u011f\u0131n yerin gider\u00e2t\u0131na uy!.. Gayl\u0131m oras\u0131 senin evin!.. Onlar topal\u0131sa sek, k\u00f6r\u00fcse g\u0131rp!.. Oraya al\u0131nla giriyorsun  kefeninle \u00e7\u0131kacaks\u0131n!… Akl\u0131n ermez de ga\u00e7\u0131p gelirsen, eve almay\u0131z!.. Senden sonraki karde\u015flerini de d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn!…\u201d <\/strong>diyerek, biraz da abartarak konunun \u00f6nemini anlatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rlard\u0131.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

G\u00dcN\u00dcM\u00dcZ EVL\u0130L\u0130KLER\u0130<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczdeki gelin k\u0131zlar, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumuzdaki gelinlere g\u00f6re \u00e7ok farkl\u0131d\u0131r. G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz gelinleri her t\u00fcrl\u00fc imkana sahip olup; genellikle rahat, konfor ve l\u00fcks hayat i\u00e7indedirler. Her \u015feyden \u00f6nce \u201cEv ev \u00fcst\u00fcnde olmaz\u201d<\/strong> d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiyle kaynana yan\u0131nda oturmay\u0131p, ayr\u0131 bir evde oturmak isterler. Evlenmeden b\u00fct\u00fcn e\u015fyalar\u0131 al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in, evlilik sonras\u0131 da bir hedefleri kalmamaktad\u0131r. Can s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131ndan da kavga etmektedirler. Sosyal medya ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 e\u015fleri birbirlerinden so\u011futmaktad\u0131r. Daha l\u00fcks ve g\u00f6steri\u015fe hayata kendilerini kapt\u0131rmaktad\u0131rlar. Evlerdeki \u201cerkek\u201d<\/strong> hakimiyetinin yerini, \u201ckad\u0131n\u201d<\/strong> hakimiyeti alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Do\u011fum g\u00fcn\u00fc, evlilik y\u0131ld\u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fc, \u00fczerinde insan, cami ve K\u00e2be resimli kutlama pastalar\u0131, zengin sofralar, sosyetik umre turlar\u0131\u2026 \u0130sraf ve l\u00fcks saltanat, \u0130slam\u2019\u0131n alt\u0131nc\u0131 \u015fart\u0131 oldu. \u0130\u015fte bu y\u00fczden, g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczde baz\u0131 evliliklerinin sonu h\u00fcsran olmaktad\u0131r.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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G\u00dcN\u00dcM\u00dcZDEK\u0130 BO\u015eANMALARIN SEBEPLER\u0130<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 Bug\u00fcn i\u00e7in toplumumuzun en b\u00fcy\u00fck yaras\u0131 aile i\u00e7i huzursuzluk ve bo\u015fanmalard\u0131r. \u201cyokluk\u201d<\/strong> tan y\u0131k\u0131lmayan evlilikler, \u015fimdi \u201cvarl\u0131k\u201d<\/strong> tan y\u0131k\u0131lmaktad\u0131r. \u00d6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc bilmeden l\u00fcks hayat ya\u015fama iste\u011fi, \u201cp\u0131\u015fp\u0131\u015f\u201d<\/strong> la b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fclen gen\u00e7ler, aile b\u00fcy\u00fcklerinin gen\u00e7 evlilere gereksiz m\u00fcdahaleleri, aile i\u00e7inde faciaya d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmekte ve bo\u015fanmalar \u00e7o\u011falmaktad\u0131r… \u00d6nceleri evlilikler \u201cnasip\u201d<\/strong> \u00fczerine olu\u015furdu. \u015eimdi \u201cnakit\u201d<\/strong> \u00fczerine olu\u015fuyor… Eskiden, her evlenen elli ki\u015fiden sadece birisi-ikisi bo\u015fan\u0131rken; bug\u00fcn i\u00e7in evlenen \u00fc\u00e7 ki\u015fiden birisi bo\u015fanmaktad\u0131r\u2026 Bu da toplumda b\u00fcy\u00fck yaralar a\u00e7maktad\u0131r. \u201cKad\u0131n\u0131n beyan\u0131 esast\u0131r\u201d <\/strong>kanunu h\u00fckm\u00fcnce, herkes kad\u0131nlara bir \u015fey demeye korkuyor. B\u00f6ylece gen\u00e7lerimiz u\u00e7urumun kenar\u0131na itiliyor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Aileyi korumak ad\u0131na, son zamanlarda e\u015flere b\u00fcy\u00fck haklar verildi. Kad\u0131nlar bu haklar\u0131 gereksiz yere kullanmaya ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Ev i\u00e7erisinde olan ufak bir olayda, hemen telefona sar\u0131l\u0131p, emniyet g\u00fc\u00e7lerine haber verip, kocas\u0131na en az \u00fc\u00e7 ay \u201cEve Yakla\u015fmama Cezas\u0131\u201d<\/strong> ald\u0131ran kad\u0131nlar fazlala\u015ft\u0131\u2026 Bu adam nereye gidecek, nerede yatacak, nerede kalkacak, nerede yiyecek, nerede oturacak?… Bu \u00fc\u00e7 ay i\u00e7erisinde k\u0131zg\u0131nl\u0131klar art\u0131yor, erkek evinden so\u011fuyor ve bo\u015fanmalar ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmaz oluyor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

EVL\u0130LERE TAVS\u0130YELER\u0130N\u0130Z NELERD\u0130R?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Mutlu bir aile modeli aramak hepimizin g\u00f6revi\u2026 E\u015finize sevginizi belirtin. E\u015fler birbirlerine kar\u015f\u0131 ayna gibidir, nas\u0131l davran\u0131rlarsa ona g\u00f6re kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 al\u0131rlar. Her zaman temiz, d\u00fcr\u00fcst ve namuslu olun, kararlar\u0131 birlikte al\u0131n. Benim e\u015fim neden \u201cfilanca\u201d<\/strong> gibi de\u011fil, yerine; oh be!… e\u015fim \u201cfilanca\u201d<\/strong> gibi de\u011fil, denmelidir. Her \u015feyin bir hesab\u0131 var; \u00fczd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn kadar \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcrs\u00fcn\u2026 \u00c2hir zamanday\u0131z; ortal\u0131kta az insan var fakat \u00e7ok insan taklidi yapanlar var. G\u00fcvendiklerinize ve sevdiklerinize sahip \u00e7\u0131k\u0131n, olaylar\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fctmeyin\u2026 Evde biriniz sesini y\u00fckseltti\u011fi zaman di\u011feri sussun. Her evde mutlaka ufak-tefek problemler olur. Kavgalar, k\u0131zg\u0131nl\u0131klar zamanla unutulur. Yeniden aile saadetine d\u00f6n\u00fcl\u00fcr.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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    Evlilik namaz gibidir, niyet ettin mi sa\u011f\u0131na-soluna bakmayacaks\u0131n! Sevdi\u011fini alamad\u0131ysan, ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 seveceksin! Kad\u0131nlar e\u015fine kar\u015f\u0131 h\u00fcrmetk\u00e2r; erkekler kar\u0131s\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 sevgili davranmal\u0131d\u0131r. Bo\u015fanma olaca\u011f\u0131 zaman yerin-g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn sars\u0131laca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilip, geli\u015fen olumsuz olaylara kar\u015f\u0131 sabretmelidirler. Hayat ini\u015fli \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015fl\u0131d\u0131r. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey, insan\u0131n istedi\u011fi gibi gitmez. \u015eu ge\u00e7ici d\u00fcnyada ya\u015f\u0131yorsak, ac\u0131-tatl\u0131 her \u015feye al\u0131\u015fmal\u0131, gerekti\u011fi yerde zorluklara g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs gerilmelidir. Gen\u00e7ler; evde olup biteni m\u00fcmk\u00fcn oldu\u011fu kadar ana-babalar\u0131na duyurmamal\u0131d\u0131rlar. Hi\u00e7 kimseye ac\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 g\u00f6stermeyin!.. Ate\u015finize kimin odun ataca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilemezsiniz. \u201c<\/strong>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

N.Sait EK\u0130C\u0130<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A\u0130LEDE HUZUR VE MUTLULUK GEN\u00c7L\u0130\u011e\u0130MDEK\u0130 EVL\u0130L\u0130KLERLER Gelin ve damat olmak\u2026 Her gencin r\u00fcyas\u0131\u2026 B\u00fct\u00fcn k\u0131zlar ve erkekler, gelin-damat olabilmenin hayaliyle ya\u015farlar. Evlilik; \u00e7ift olmak demektir. Allah\u2019\u0131n kanun koydu\u011fu, emretti\u011fi, Rasulullah\u2019\u0131n tavsiye etti\u011fi h\u00fck\u00fcmd\u00fcr. \u015eu an ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131k d\u00f6nemine girmi\u015f olan ki\u015filerin evlilikleriyle, g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcz evlilikleri aras\u0131nda farkl\u0131l\u0131klar bulunmaktad\u0131r. G\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fczde, baz\u0131 \u00e2det ve k\u00fclt\u00fcrlerin yok olma durumuna geldi\u011fini […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2997,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[203],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nA\u0130LEDE HUZUR VE MUTLULUK | N. 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